I would go down on you faster than GM stock
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
