You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
