Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
