And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
