break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i think my tv is drunk
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
