I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize