i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
