Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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