This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
