I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
