tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
