I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
We need to get me chipped asap
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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