Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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