Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
