Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
