He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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