Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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