we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
