I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
