why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
