Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
