So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Randomize
