Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
