he puts the penis in happiness.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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