Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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