dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
