hell yes lets make some ravioli
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
