goodnight i made you a song goodbye
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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