The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
this beer tastes like vomit already
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
