I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
There r osticjed everywhere
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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