You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
