How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Is it penis luge time yet?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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