My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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