sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
