you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
