There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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