I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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