Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
