I'm gonna have a badass scar
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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