This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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