It's Friday. Sex?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
