i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
