i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
