let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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