I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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