Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
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