By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
