I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
