btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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