he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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