Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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