allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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