I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
