I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Acid is not a monday night drug
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
