I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
