idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Jerry, you need to find god
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Randomize
