You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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