you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
