So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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