i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Randomize
