First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
