He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
