She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
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