The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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