I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
