no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize