just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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