Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
