what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
