There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
