If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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