Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
