i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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